(I'm on vacation this week, so I asked Margaret Hall, who previously wrote about the Kenley Players for Episodes, to step in and write about Andrew Garfield, Internet Boyfriend. See you next week! — Em.)

Andrew Garfield has been having a moment.

In 2021 alone, he had three critically acclaimed star turns on the silver screen, his second Oscar nomination, and an internet renaissance worthy of study by every single publicist in the industry. He was everywhere: magazine covers, billboards, talk shows, red carpets, and the endless scroll of our social media feeds. Audio clips of the actor’s various performances proliferated TikTok, as did fan videos. Twitter was aglow with his every move. Perhaps most impressively, he revived his title as one of Tumblr’s golden boys just as the site began to crawl back to prominence.

This resurgence is not, however, Garfield’s first moment. Longtime internet denizens may remember the turn of the 2010s, when 2010’s The Social Network and 2012’s The Amazing Spider-Man shot Garfield to public prominence. Back then, he was also everywhere, to the fascination of millions. One significant difference this time is his carefully protected personal privacy. (Garfield eschews a public social media presence and fiercely protects his personal relationships after the media frenzy surrounding his relationship with Spider-Man co-star Emma Stone.) He's also affected a more earnest, even philosophical presence in interviews.

In the intervening decade between moments, he has built two significant legacies: acclaim as an artist so indelible and dedicated that no less than Martin Scorsese called him one of the best of his generation, and a reputation as perhaps the most versatile ‘Internet Boyfriend’ of the moment.

For the uninitiated, Internet Boyfriend is a term applied to a male actor who takes over certain corners of the internet for a season or two as the celebrity crush du jour. The term first reached prominence in reference to Benedict Cumberbatch in the early 2010s. It has also been applied to Chris Evans, Oscar Isaac, Michael B. Jordan, Timothée Chalamet, or whoever the newest Marvel superhero on the block is. Internet Boyfriends are the modern leading men, film figures of romantic fascination that are defined by their relatability and (perceived) accessibility, in contrast to actors like Warren Beatty and Robert Redford, the aloof and unattainable leading men favored prior to the digital age.

Internet Boyfriends (and the characters that form the foundation of the archetype) can typically be identified by these five attributes

• Charisma — No Internet Boyfriend can exist without the charm to lure in an audience.
• Quirkiness — There has to be some level of uniqueness to every Internet Boyfriend, something that supposedly sets them apart from the figurehead they’re replacing.
• Loyalty — Typically toward a romantic partner, this loyalty can also be exhibited in close friendships (but be prepared for the Internet to warp those on-screen friendships into fandom ships at the speed of light).
• Sensitivity — These are the tender boys, who will hold your hand when you cry and make a point of getting you to laugh. In an industry that has so often prized aggressive and stoic portraits of masculinity in the past, is it any wonder that audiences are flocking to leading men with visible feelings?
• Safety — This may be the most important of the attributes. An Internet Boyfriend must feel safe. Sure, they could break your heart, but an audience member never has to fear actual violence from this character. It is a fantasy, after all, a place to retreat to when the darkness interwoven throughout reality becomes too much to bear.

Once, it took a carefully curated PR campaign to become positioned as the object of a teenage girl's affections; now, all it takes is a chiseled jaw, an eau de feminism, and a few witty red carpet remarks. Have that, and an actor can inspire a legion of devotees.

Garfield's early 2010s moment made him one of the early Internet Boyfriends. His offbeat sense of humor, earnest answers in interviews, and easygoing behavior positioned him in the first wave, with his Peter Parker becoming a particular source of fascination. What marks him as a particularly unusual Internet Boyfriend, however, is his resurgence. While many actors from that first wave have remained popular in the mainstream (Garfield and Cumberbatch even co-starred in one of those three 2021 films, Spider-Man: No Way Home), few have crested the wave for a second time, and none as masterfully as Garfield has.

In the last two years alone, Garfield has conquered almost every popular flavor of Internet Boyfriend, from Soft Boy in Tick, Tick ... Boom!, to Sex Symbol in Mainstream. And now, as his first prominent television project in a decade, Under The Banner of Heaven, wraps, he ascends to one of the most popular variations: the Daddy.

Garfield's career evolution is compelling; the highlights are filled with monuments to artistic achievement. He has also hit every beat a performer needs to achieve indelible Internet Boyfriend status. His missteps in either avenue have been few and far between. Unlike many of his compatriots, he has achieved his steady ascent with notably few scandals. One of the defining traits of the Internet Boyfriend is their inevitable descent once the zeitgeist moves on, pulling a performer from the front page like a statue from a pedestal. This descent has not befallen Garfield. Rather than waiting for the heel turn, he has always stepped aside at precisely the right moment, leaving a warm, nostalgic feeling in his place to ensure that the public is ready to embrace him when he returns following a few trend cycles.

After viewing Tick, Tick ... Boom! for the first time, I fell deep down an Andrew Garfield rabbit hole. It quickly climbed the ranks of my favorite films, and with it, Garfield in my esteem. He is handsome and naturally charming, but there is something unique to his onscreen presence that captivates. I went deep into his back catalog, examining every crumb I could find, deconstructing the mystique surrounding his artistry, both on- and off-screen. The results are fascinating, and I could easily write a deep-dive examination of his work on each project. However, in honor of wedding season and the peak of Garfield’s current crest, I have concocted a slightly less scholarly study.

Friends and foes, I give you the ultimate ranking of Andrew Garfield's characters as of June 2022, organized by the ultimate test of any Internet Boyfriend: Who would be the best plus-one at a wedding. Each character's final score is calculated by averaging four key characteristics: Charm, Dancing Ability, Crisis Management Skills, and the Grandma Factor (which asks, does your grandmother trust him, or would he be asked to exit?).

(In the name of fairness, only film and television characters are included on this list; his roster of theatrical characters, including Biff from Death of a Salesman and Prior from Angels in America, will have to wait in the wings. Similarly, Andrew himself is not included in this ranking, as that could lead to a different essay on parasocial bonds and his status as the current generation's James Stewart).

THE RANKING

You’re Better Off Going Alone

‎Try as they may, these characters just don’t fall into Internet Boyfriend status. They’re the early career cameos, the dramatic and contorted performances de excellence, and supernaturally good biopic villains. (Almost) all worthy additions to his catalog, but if this were the core of his career, he wouldn’t be on that Internet Boyfriend pedestal.

27. Simmo - Mumbo Jumbo - 2005

Garfield played this part in a student short film. Simmo is part of a group of self-appointed suburban warriors in the war on terror.

• Charm: 0
• Dancing Ability: 0
• Crisis Management Skills: 0
• Grandma Factor: 0
• Overall Score: 0

If you brought Simmo to a friend's wedding, you would quickly leave with one less friend. He’s barely legal, with a porn addiction and a propensity for raw meat; get some self-respect and don’t check the plus one.

26. Kit - Freezing - 2009

Kit is a high ego, low-yield sci-fi author searching for a publisher who values the future more than the past. A walking nightmare for anyone with misophonia.

• Charm: 0
• Dancing Ability: 0
• Crisis Management Skills: 2
• Grandma Factor: 0
• Overall Score: 0.5

Kit doesn’t have much to recommend, but he would drive your right-wing uncle’s blood pressure into the stratosphere, so he’s a decent bet if you’re actively trying to ruin the wedding you’re attending.

25. Martin Douglas - Trial and Retribution - 2007

Martin is a private school student who witnesses a rape and murder in the underground sewers while hiding from his father's abuse.

• Charm: 0
• Dancing Ability: 0
• Crisis Management Skills: 0
• Grandma Factor: 2
• Overall Score: 0.5

Martin is defined by a nervous constitution and a general fear of women; best to leave the poor boy alone.

24. Jim Bakker - The Eyes of Tammy Faye - 2021

Jim is a pioneering televangelist who sold prosperity doctrine to evangelicals across the country, pioneering television ministry with his wife Tammy Faye Bakker before being convicted of fraud.

• Charm: 2
• Dancing Ability: 0
• Crisis Management Skills: 3
• Grandma Factor: 0 (or 10, depending on how much of the Kool-Aid your Grandma has consumed over the years)
• Overall Score: 1.25

You know a performance is masterful when you want to boo the villain as the credits roll. Jim Bakker is a miserable yet compelling man, but you should turn down his proposition if you have any self-respect left.

23. Student - Swinging - 2005

Unnamed, Andrew plays a high school student lusted after by his art teacher, who goes so far as to fake his girlfriend's death to get closer to him.

• Charm: 2
• Dancing Ability: 0
• Crisis Management Skills: 0
• Grandma Factor: 7
• Overall Score: 2.25

If I could scrub any one thing from Garfield’s filmography, it would be this brief stint on a UK comedy series, where he plays a student who is stalked and assaulted by his female teacher. Bring him to the wedding if only to help him hide; he can sit with your grandmother and make sure she gets enough cake.

22. Eddie Dunford - Red Riding series - 2009

Eddie is a highly ambitious journalist for The Yorkshire Post, fixated on a series of missing persons and murder cases that have gone cold.

• Charm: 3
• Dancing Ability: 1
• Crisis Management Skills: 5
• Grandma Factor: 1
• Overall Score: 2.5

Eddie is stoic and mysterious. His commitment to his work will send a shiver up your spine; he’ll also start a fight with your aunt’s third husband and ditch you at the reception when he finds a lead in the case.

21. Boy with Fruit - Simon Schama's Power of Art - 2006

This art history documentary has no plot beyond the history; Andrew brings to life various Caravaggio paintings and can be seen hanging around with other “living art” actors in transition scenes.

• Charm: 6
• Dancing Ability: 2
• Crisis Management Skills: 1
• Grandma Factor: 2
• Overall Score: 2.75

Does he speak more than ten words in this documentary? No. Is he vaguely enough of a pretty playboy to impress your younger cousins? Sure. But don’t expect him to be going home with you by the end of the night.

20. Rodrigues - Silence - 2016

Rodrigues is a deeply pained 17th-century Jesuit priest. He travels to violently anti-Christian Edo Japan in an attempt to make contact with his mentor when whispers reach Portugal that Rodrigues's mentor has abandoned the faith.

• Charm: 4
• Dancing Ability: 0
• Crisis Management Skills: 4
• Grandma Factor: 3
• Overall Score: 2.75

Rodrigues isn’t going to any weddings he isn’t officiating. Still, if you got him in the door during the ceremony, he would be at least a tolerable wallflower during the festivities.

Take Him Out, Don’t Take Him Home

These are the characters that exist on the bubble of the Internet Boyfriend arena. Garfield's charm carries them far, but they don’t quite cross the finish line to achieve the five characteristics of almost all Internet Boyfriends (again, Charisma, Quirkiness, Loyalty, Sensitivity, and Safety).

19. Tom - Sugar Rush - 2005

Tom is the awkward and adorable next-door neighbor who is head over heels in first love with series protagonist Kim.

• Charm: 2
• Dancing Ability: 7
• Crisis Management Skills: 0
• Grandma Factor: 4
• Overall Score: 3.25

The “endearing geek next door” trope lives on! He’d be the heart of the dance floor if you get a couple of drinks in him, but you’d have a brief window before he’d become overly clingy. Time it right, and you’ll have fun; get it wrong, and he’ll start crying during the send-off because you avoided catching the bouquet.

18. Sam - Under The Silver Lake - 2018

Sam is a conspiracy theorist who stumbles on a secret society while searching for a missing neighbor.

• Charm: 5
• Dancing Ability: 4
• Crisis Management Skills: 2
• Grandma Factor: 2
• Overall Score: 3.25

Sam can be the life of the party, but be careful; let him loose around your more suggestible relatives, and he’ll probably start a cult while the bridal party is taking pictures. Right-wing conspiracy nuts look like amateurs compared to him.

17. Jack Burridge - Boy A - 2007

Jack is a childhood murderer and abuse survivor who struggles to move forward when his boyhood crimes come to light after he saves the life of a local child.

• Charm: 3
• Dancing Ability: 4
• Crisis Management Skills: 5
• Grandma Factor: 2
• Overall Score: 3.5

Reserved yet respectful, Jack would be a pleasant partner, but be wary of your cousin who is into true crime or grandma’s Deadline habit; one whiff of his past and you’ve ruined the wedding reception.

16. Todd Hayes - Lions for Lambs - 2007

Todd is a ‘too cool for school’ frat bro whose initial interest in politics has soured into apathetic cynicism.

• Charm: 7
• Dancing Ability: 2
• Crisis Management Skills: 3
• Grandma Factor: 4
• Overall Score: 4

Todd is the philosophical frat boy we all fall for during college (at least a little bit). He's smart, loyal, and always looking for the good kind of trouble, he’ll make sure you have a good time, but don’t let him anywhere near your uncle who invested in crypto.

15. Dennis Nash - 99 Homes - 2014

Dennis is a single father who signs a deal with his personal devil to provide for his mother and son through the Great Recession.

• Charm: 4
• Dancing Ability: 5
• Crisis Management Skills: 6
• Grandma Factor: 4
• Overall Score: 4.75

Dennis is a good guy to bring to an outdoor wedding, but don’t expect him to fit in at a fancy church affair; he’ll play nice with your relatives and entertain your little cousins, but he’s a time bomb if any of the other guests work in finance. Stick to backyard ceremonies and community center receptions for your safety.

14. Sheldon - I’m Here - 2010

Sheldon is a sweet-tempered robot trying to find love in a world where robots are undervalued workers in a ‘humans first’ society.

• Charm: 9
• Dancing Ability: 7
• Crisis Management Skills: 4
• Grandma Factor: 0
• Overall Score: 5

Honestly, Sheldon would be an ideal guy if it weren’t for the whole “Robot with a Modem for a Head” thing. He’s sweet, earnest, has hobbies of his own, and his only significant flaw is that he’s self-sacrificial, which in the world of Internet Boyfriends is a romanticized flaw. Also, he works at a library, which will always work in his favor.

13. Tom - Air - 2009

Tom is an English graduate student solo hiking through rural Texas before stumbling on a mysterious child.

• Charm: 8
• Dancing Ability: 2
• Crisis Management Skills: 4
• Grandma Factor: 6
• Overall Score: 5

You love Tom. All of your friends love Tom. When the flower girl gets scared, he’s the only one who can coax her out from behind her mother's legs. He’s also a ghost. Up to you if that’s a dealbreaker.

The Elusive Internet Boyfriends

‎These are the characters with that special je ne sais quoi that captivates corners of the internet, inspiring different levels of devotion.

12. Eduardo Saverin - The Social Network - 2010

Eduardo is the college best friend of Mark Zuckerberg, the co-founder of Facebook, and the person who gets royally screwed when Zuckerberg decides to position himself as the lone genius behind the company.

• Charm: 6
• Dancing Ability: 7
• Crisis Management Skills: 4
• Grandma Factor: 5
• Overall Score: 5.5

Eduardo is an icon, but he is also a pretty shitty communicator. He’ll help start the dance circle and swoop in whenever the groom’s creepy uncle tries to grab you for a dance, but be prepared to wake up the following day with nothing but a dent in your pillows and a text telling you he had to go into work early. But don’t worry; he’ll make it up to you next time.

11. Peter Parker - The Amazing Spider-Man 2 - 2014

The second in Garfield’s Spider-Man filmography, Peter is a newly minted high school graduate who struggles to juggle the responsibility of his powers, the danger of being a superhero, and his love for Gwen Stacy.

• Charm: 9
• Dancing Ability: 9
• Crisis Management Skills: 4
• Grandma Factor: 7
• Overall Score: 5.75

You wanna dance the night away? This Peter is your perfect match; have you seen that coffee cart scene? His reflexes will make you the star of the dance floor, and all you’ll have to do is follow his lead. Just avoid any dips.

10. Detective Jeb Pyre - Under The Banner of Heaven - 2022

Jeb is a Mormon detective who uncovers a double murder within the church, leading him down a rabbit hole of devout deceit that leads to a crisis of faith.

• Charm: 4
• Dancing Ability: 3
• Crisis Management Skills: 7
• Grandma Factor: 9
• Overall Score: 5.75

He’s a hot dad whose devotion to his work is only superseded by his devotion to his kids. Assuming his wife is out of the picture, you’ll have a great time, and your grandmother will LOVE him. Just be prepared for some clumsy slow dancing and for him to head home early to put his girls to bed.

9. Robin Cavendish - Breathe - 2017

Robin Cavendish is a pioneering disability rights activist who contracted polio shortly after marrying his wife, paralyzing him from the neck down.

• Charm: 7
• Dancing Ability: 1
• Crisis Management Skills: 7
• Grandma Factor: 9
• Overall Score: 6

Robin is an amazing guy, but if you bring him to a wedding, every tech enthusiast in the family will monopolize his time, by asking about his incredible inventions. If this is his first time meeting the family, maybe save some attention for the bride and skip it; if everyone’s already met him and processed their wonderment, have at it!

8. Anton - The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus - 2009

Anton is a member of a fantastical traveling circus troupe in love with his boss's daughter.

• Charm: 6
• Dancing Ability: 5
• Crisis Management Skills: 8
• Grandma Factor: 6
• Overall Score: 6.25

Oh, Anton. He’ll do whatever it takes to ensure you have a good time, including making a fool of himself just to make you laugh. He may not be the flashiest of wedding dates, but his loyalty is unbeatable; just make sure that the bride and groom are equally devoted, or things could get uncomfortable.

7. Tommy - Never Let Me Go - 2010

Tommy is a teenager trapped in a doomed love triangle, desperately attempting to save his own life in the face of institutional death.

• Charm: 8
• Dancing Ability: 7
• Crisis Management Skills: 3
• Grandma Factor: 8
• Overall Score: 6.25

Like Anton, Tommy’s earnest loyalty is endearing, and what he lacks in flash is more than made up in good humor. Your grandmother will ask if the two of you are next at least three times throughout the evening, however, so tread lightly if you aren’t looking for anything serious.

6. Link - Mainstream - 2020

Link is an unstable social media influencer whose game show and cultivated persona (he’s ‘No One Special’) burn nearly as brightly as his bleached hair.

• Charm: 9
• Dancing Ability: 9
• Crisis Management Skills: 7
• Grandma Factor: 0
• Overall Score: 6.25

Link is the ultimate chaotic wedding date. He’ll turn the dance floor into a rave, slip something in your grandmother's drink to "help her lighten up," and probably hook up with the maid of honor in a broom closet while you’re helping said grandmother sober up. Proceed with caution.

5. Frank - Doctor Who - 2007

Frank is a Tennesseean who fled to New York City during the Great Depression, living and working out of Hooverville.

• Charm: 8
• Dancing Ability: 3
• Crisis Management Skills: 7
• Grandma Factor: 8
• Overall Score: 6.5

Frank is that first love that wasn’t meant to last but who you think of fondly every time you look upon young love. Bring him to the wedding if you can but chances are he’s there with you in spirit, urging you to have a good time on your own until you’re ready to try again.

‎4. Peter Parker - The Amazing Spider-Man - 2012

The first in Garfield’s Spider-Man filmography, Peter is an overwhelmed and under-stimulated teenager struggling with the weight of expectations volleyed at him from all sides.

• Charm: 8
• Dancing Ability: 6
• Crisis Management Skills: 5
• Grandma Factor: 7
• Overall Score: 6.5

This Peter is the perfect “first time bringing a partner to a family event” Internet Boyfriend. He’ll stay by your side for most of the day, do his best to remember the names of the flurry of family members he’s introduced to, and even try his hand at convincing the sullen cousin to join in the sparkler send-off. Don’t ask him too much about what he’s up to after the reception.

3. Jonathan Larson - Tick, Tick ... Boom! - 2021

Jonathan is a struggling composer on the verge of his make-or-break project who fights to support his friends as the AIDs crisis ravages his community.

• Charm: 8
• Dancing Ability: 9
• Crisis Management Skills: 4
• Grandma Factor: 5
• Overall Score: 6.5

Jonathan knows how to keep a party going —‎ and I mean going. If you bring him to a wedding, you won’t be going home until 3 am, and even that’s up for debate if anyone is clinging to the dance floor. He’ll wince a bit at the band’s setlist, but if you keep him distracted with interesting family secrets, you’ll be fine; just steer clear of any commitment conversations.

2. Desmond Doss - Hacksaw Ridge - 2016

Desmond is a pacifist who enlists in the Army Medic program to save lives during World War II.

• Charm: 8
• Dancing Ability: 3
• Crisis Management Skills: 10
• Grandma Factor: 9
• Overall Score: 7.5

Desmond is the wedding date you want in a crisis. Groom runs off with the maid of honor immediately before the vows? He’s already rerouting everyone out to the garden so you can help the bride process in private. Your dress tears from an overzealous shoulder stretch? No worries, he’s got an extra suit jacket in his car; he’ll run and grab it for you. Grandma starts crying, thinking about how much she misses Grandpa? He’s the perfect shoulder to cry on.

1. Peter 3 - Spider-Man: No Way Home - 2021

The third in Garfield’s Spider-Man filmography, Peter is a traumatized and deeply lonely twenty-something who yearns for a support system he can rely on.

• Charm: 9
• Dancing Ability: 7
• Crisis Management Skills: 10
• Grandma Factor: 8
• Overall Score: 8.5

Specifically and critically, this is Peter after the events of No Way Home. He’s got your back (literally) no matter what comes, and his burgeoning sense of dad humor will make you laugh and groan in equal measure. He’ll deny tearing up at the vows, but you know what you saw. Get the man in therapy, and you'll have a keeper on your hands.

We have watched Garfield mature on our cinema screens, inhabiting almost every variation of Internet Boyfriend that there is (No Professor type yet, but it is almost certainly in his future.)

Of all Internet Boyfriends whose stars have shot across our social media skies, he is perhaps better described as a comet. He's an abundant source of wonder who visits us every so often in the public sphere to delight before disappearing until the world needs him the most. He has already vowed to take a break from the public eye following the completion of Under The Banner of Heaven; why not take out these characters until he eventually returns to reclaim his Internet Boyfriend crown? You’re bound to have an enchanting experience.

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